AM I THAT Strong..??? perhaps not as strong as people think...

Bright sunny day, birds chirping, free hassle morning..that's all are blessings for me Alhamdulillah for the past 40 days I managed to stand strong walking my daily life...until yesterday..

It's been a week since I collected my laundry that includes Ghaziy's soft toys. Thanx to my best laundry shop "Precious" who took a good handling in cleaning the toys. I never thought that I could get sooo emotional touching the toys after a month since I sent it to the laundry. Post collecting it from the shop, I just leave it in the paper bag at the corner of my room. Just after Maghrib prayer yesterday, I opened it and I couldn't stop the shower of my tears. I was still in my praying dress and I was alone in the room. The moment I hold the red angry bird pillow my mind was cramped with every minute of my period with lil Ghaziy. Even though I keep telling myself to get hold of myself and to stop the tears before my hubby enters the room, I failed to do so.. I end up letting myself to burst the tears and I realized that I really miss that little guy.

I push the toys out of my sight few minutes later as I believed I haven't had enough will to look at it nonetheless to think where to hide it or to keep it safe. And there it is until now stuck in the paper bag at my bedroom corner. Perhaps my dear hubby will put it in storage later. After all, he did all the storage and safe keeping of my Ghaziy's wardrobe and toys.

I walked myself out of the room with reddish eyes and sobbing sound. Subhanallah, my hubby understands me so well and he make us out of the house in a minute for outside dinner. Despite my silence throughout the way to our dinner, my darling husband never stops cheering me up, pointing the optimism of our life and what a tremendous adventure awaits the two of us in future.

I guess that I'm not the strong person as what all my fellow friends always talks about. I stumbled into heavy tears even when I looked enthusiast throughout the days. The big hole in my heart is incapable of being filled.. but my dear sister, Elly said the time will heal me.. I do hope it will...

Thanks dear Saiful Nizam for standing, holding and lifting me up every moment of my life..