Memory Lane

I've been trying hard to start my garden as my previous post couple of months back but not being a gardener spirit caused the intention to be held back... Huuhuhu...😅

And recently Maryam having viral fever would be just the topic I would rather write currently.

Had a normal routine last Wednesday by dropping her off at the babysitter's house. She looks just as happy and delighted as always. 

Had a great day at office and the day's end perfectly fine just to note by Cik Jah Maryam is having high temperature. Holding her indeed her whole body was hot. I did feel anxious but remain calm thinking its normal for a child to catch fever. Nonetheless I wondered why would she have such high temperature with no symptom of flu or sore throat.

Administered PCM once we arrived home and monitored her. I allowed her to be off shirt and padded her head with damped towel. She looked tired. In an hour PCM seems to work but at 2am her fever return to say hello at 38 celcius. 

Gave her another dosage of PCM and the whole night both me and my husband couldn't bother to shit our eyes.

The memory of caring of our Ghaizy stroked my mind. I was so freaking out thinking that could this fever lead to monstrous incurrabledisease.

Snap!!!

I looked at her and she seems to breath steadily as again the PCM plays it's role.

After subuh the heat returned. So we took her to our paeds clinic. At that time she was at 40 celcius and raising.. I just want I know the cause and imminently wish she'd be under antibiotics.

The doctor ruled out dengue and as it's quite hard to determine the actual viral without having Maryam's urine tested he referred us to UMMC ER.

Waiting at the ER walked me to the memory lane.. Though it's far different from what I've gone through with Ghaziy but still it's cost me a cold sweat..

Alhamdulillah... Maryam's urine didnt show serious infection and oral antibiotics would be sufficient to chase the little monster in her body. A progress from the antibiotic would be seen within 48 hours and we went home relieved.

Before nightfall while changing Maryam's to her PJ's she shiver and she had blue color on her feet and hand. Her lips were also turning blue.. Why would this happened. Her temperature is raising...But she response well the only relieved reason not to be super freaking out. This really stalled me to the thought of having Ghaziy to ER.. His blue lips, pale face and helpless body... I was screaming inside of me praying that nothing Owh please nothing more like loosing  angel of mine...

I realized that after 3 years from the most panicked lifetime experienced I have not recovered from the trauma and the phobia is walking, eating and sleeping by my side...

Snap!!!

Not to panic, I cuddled Maryam in my arms trying to warm her. We drove to ER and made several stops as the traffic was bad to check on her features. I don't favor to admit her but if that needs to be done that I would have no choice wouldn't I..

Alhamdulillah.. Just we stop at our final pit her hands feet and lips were pink and we decided to detour to my sister in law home which is nearer to ummc and monitor her there.

I was pretending from the beginning of Maryam fever episode that I would never got myself sink in my memory lane of rushing to ER but I couldn't help myself to be helplessly allowing the phobia haunting me.

I'd calmed myself at all time when I put to bed little Maryam by whispering to her "you may got sick once a while and I do wish you got sick as any other normal kids had... And please be sick as normal kids would be caused your brother Ghaziy never had fever and once he hade his emergency episode je never recover...

My garden plans

I always had a thought of having small backyard garden... But I never really sit and plan it. 

Lil Maryam us having her afternoon nap after we had a visit to some shop in Kota Damansara for water garden ideas. 

So I guess, better get started so in a year time I get to enjoy my tea time with a sound of relaxing water flow sipping the tropical plants smell...

Huuhuhu.. Will I get this realise..??😅😅😅

Lets start choosing a design...

I want it to look like this:

And definitely I need my superhero Saiful to get a look at this cause he'll be the one who responsible to get all pictures to be ALIVE!!!!

Am not a real gardener and I'm not at all time available to water plants... So I'll be bending to get plants which are heat resistance.

Here are some recommended plants from the web:

Liriopes line the front of the bed, with an occasional variagated liriope thrown in. Croton Petras and Variagate Arboricolas (Trinettes) alternate color combinations, while Hawaiin Ti Red Sisters flank the back in clusters of red spikes. In addition to adding color, all of these plants are drought tolerant after initial establishment, needing water only once a week.

Others suggested tropical plants are as follows:

Hawaiian hibiscus (Hibiscus rosa-sinensis)

Vireya rhododendron (Vireya cultivars)

Crab’s claw (Heliconia angusta cultivars)

Fijian fire plant (Acalypha wilkesiana)

Giant elephant’s ears/giant taro (Alocasia macrorrhiza)

Elephant’s ears (Alocasia x amazonica)

Prayer plant (Maranta leuconeura ‘Kerchoviana’)

Zebra plant (Calathea zebrina)

Abyssinian banana (Ensete ventricosum)

Crotons (Codiaeum variegatum)

Dancing ladies (Oncidium varicosum)

Canna lilies (Canna ‘Tropicanna’ and Canna ‘Tricolour’)

New Guinea impatiens (Impatiens)

Sago palm (Cycas revoluta)

Spiral ginger (Costus barbatus)

Crinum lily (Crinum pedunculatum)

Sacred Bali bamboo (Schizostachyum brachycladum)

Variegated shell ginger (Alpinia zerumbet ‘Variegata’)

Majestic palm (Ravenea rivularis)

I'll google them later for pictures... I guess, or will the Sg Buloh nursery guys know all these plants?

So I'm done with the design, gathered types of plants needed.. But how do we start a garden????🙀😹

Again.. To mr Google we rush...

Okayyy, today let me start by getting the right tools and allow my hubby Saiful to treat the soil away from weeds...

Tools

After all I only need a few, good quality tools for a small home garden:

Trowel. This looks like a fork to me.One of the handiest garden gadgets, it is useful for transplanting and for loosening soil around plants.

Shovel. Use a round-edged shovel for digging.

  

Spade or spading fork. Use to turn the ground, to turn under organic matter, and to break up large clumps of soil.

Rake. Use to smooth out the soil after spading and after preparing the seedbed. You can also use it for clearing up rubbish and removing small weeds.

Hoe. Use to remove tough weeds and to cover seeds after planting. When turned sideways, you can also use a hoe to dig a V-shaped row for planting.

The hardware guy told me that by following these simple guidelines will keep my tools in good condition:

Clean tools after each use. A putty knife, jet nozzle on a hose or a wire brush is good for scraping off dirt. If tools get rusty, soak them in kerosene for a few hours, then use a wire brush or fine sand to scrub off the rust. Oil them with a light lubricant after cleaning.

Keep cutting tools sharp. The basic sharpening tool for hoes, pruners and shovels is an 8" mill file.

  

Keep tools in a dry place to prevent rust.

Now, we are good to go...

Quote of the day:

New journey of motherhood

Never had I come across to have my life invaded by this little tiny girl we named Maryam. Yes, indeed she turned to be me n hubby new obsession.

To those who knows our story, I am frankly said she's a whole new world to us. The rush we had during Ghaziy's lifetime is coming back. We got to be disciplined by her...!!!! How fascinating isn't it!!! 

Though I'm definitely sure this would be another different and new experience of parenting but I'm praying that we could raise Maryam just like we did to our big guy Ghaziy or should I say even better and LONGER.. 

Because of Maryam had entered to my life, I can actually blog again. No more whining and wimping blogging in my little attic of mind...adios for now..

It was too long since I really speak my thoughts in this blog. It has become a treasure chest where I would just copy something I think would be useful for me in future and afraid of forgetting it. A reason I could think of not expressing myself in words because there's too much too share for what I have for my Ghaziy and afraid it is published will disturb some of readers. My first intention of initiating this blog was to tell my experience in becoming a first time mom, which was when I delivered Ghaziy 2 and 1/2 year ago.

As the challenges of taking care of him is unexpectedly purely filled with overwhelming adventures, it turns out I was like throwing my grief on this page. But I do hope with whatever I shared with all people around me, they gained good knowledge and benefits from it. I do wish to restart my writing (hahahaha..sound like I'm writing a novel). Perhaps very soon there is a fascinating knowledge exchange i could write to share with people around the world.

To those who come across my blog, do drop by any opinion on nurturing Islamic lifestyle, parenthood, travel and food.

isn't it a crime???

Celebrating in silence..

As we wake up in the morning
and your not here to see,
we grasp for some reality...
that our dreams can never be.
We'd bake a cake & buy balloons,
we'd burn a candle too.

We'll imagine what the day would bring,
if only you weren't gone.
You'd run and laugh, and jump about,
we'd sing the birthday song.
You should be here today,
excited as can be...
Sifting through the toys and wrap,
bursting forth with glee...
But Allah had other plans for you,
these plans, we'll never know.

Today, no candle burns, no cake baked and...no tiny lips to blow.

So on this day... my precious son Ghaziy,
Is your birthday number two...
you are always and forever in our hearts and in our thoughts
....as we send our love to you... Alfatihah.. May we reunite eternally insyaallah..

It's been a year

I've stopped blogging cause I kept making myself as busy as possible.

Besides hooking up myself with office work, I've nurtured my love to a pet name Haciko. He's a cat that always bug my morning since last eid fitri. Got myself a hygandrea - sensitive yet a beautiful plant. Experimenting Internet recipes is another activity I opt to fill my time at home.

My darling husband started taking his master degree. That's a hell of time consuming and I bet he'll be nuts running and managing daily life and perhaps me, hohoho.

Even though we faced a horrible pain in losing Ghaziy, we are always comfort in thinking that he is in the best place where a human could ever wish. He is our greatest treasure ever given by Allah.

We did pursue for another dime in our life as we were pregnant but it did not turn out well and I was miscarriage at 2 months. Allah knows best as He answered my prayers in the best way.

There are questions popping, are we afraid of having another child and the answer is NO, are we going to adopt a child, what is our anticipation in getting pregnant next child and the list continues...

We are running out of answers on certain question especially those relating to Allah fate but we live our life through great experience from raising a special child named Ghaziy.

We manage to keep our tears from the world knowledge just to know that our only son is waiting for our day to rejoined him.

My fellow friends described us as unbelievably strong. Thank you guys, such compliment leads to prayers which sustained us to gain the strength.

I may say, i never cured by time. The pain never ease through time, I'll cry hard whenever I miss the little guy. It's the strength given by Allah that cures my wound. Once in a while I dream of my Ghaziy. When I felt I almost lost of loosing him, Allah lends him in my dream. Thank you dear Lord, the most merciful.

Basically for the past 365 days after we lost our precious warrior Ghaziy, we tried to undergo a life without struggling to hard to forget the bitter in losing our loved one.

We are surrounded with determination to meet him for eternally. We pray hard for the day to be real. The day I could hug my prince forever without bipap refraining me touching his nose :), insyaallah please Allah have mercy on me to reach the goal.

Alfatihah to my dear Ghaziy, you are my true sunshine, giving birth to you was my greatest success, nursing you was my challenge conquered with flying colors and accompanying you till your last day in this world is something I'd never forget as the experience grow me better, faaaarrr better. Alhamdulillah, behind the bitterness and pain I had to face there's always hikmah arrived, perhaps awaiting me... Wallahua'lam...